My memories are all artificial. Pre-packaged marketing tools designed to foster brand identity or sell toys. A twisted commercial entourage of ‘80s icons. Thundercats, TMNT, Transformers, Gumby, Ghostbusters, G.I. Joe, Smurfs, Care Bears, Popples. X-men comics. The Olsen twins. That impatient owl licking to the center of Tootsie Roll Pops. Me begging to stop at McDonald’s and get a Happy Meal. Or even better, to go inside and play in the ball pit.
These are the chronicles of my perfect upbringing. I am a walking, talking fulfillment of the American Dream. […]